Time is a temperamental thing. All at once evanescent and heavy, it is one of those things I will never have control of, though it seems to have control of me.
This year is one of the most rapid years I can remember: a year filled to the brim with adventures in cooking, camping, sculpting, gardening, and laughing with friends; laughing so loud, in fact, that our neighbor would bang on the wall for us laughing so heartily.
I worried this year would run at a snail's pace. I wanted it to go by fast, as if it never happened, as if I never got rejected from my dream program. It did go by fast, but not because I was waiting idly for chance to come my way, but because I knew I needed to make this year worth it. This was not going to be a lost year. Not getting into EATM was an amazing lesson for me. As someone who always gets what I want through sheer determination and hard work, it was a reminder that life can be unfair, unexpected, and unplanned.
I am not religious, I do not believe in fate, and because of that I do not believe "everything happens for a reason." I do believe though, that when things don't go as planned, when tragedies happen, or when we don't get what we want, it is our responsibility to see the positive in it and design our own outcome.
That being said... The last few weeks have creeped up on me. I turned 26 two days ago, and I am not where I thought I would be at this age. The rapidness of time in this past year has reminded me that my body is mortal, I'm getting older... I am closer to the age of having kids than I am to being in high school. I started to ask myself, if this isn't the year either... how long can I really wait?
Whether true or not, I have been told by doctors that I will more than likely have a very difficult time having children. My body is not predictable and while it can happen, I have been told it will more than likely "take time". The reality of not getting into EATM became a very real fear for an entirely different reason than last year where I worried about finding a job, paying off college loans, and not getting what I "wanted". Despite my positive attitude about this past year, I felt a very real fear, but an entirely biological one. I can't wait forever to roll the dice and hope for something that isn't a guarantee. But this school has become a second home for me, and I don't want to give up on it. For the last 2 and a half years I have been here as a bit of an outsider looking in, taking some of the classes with the students, watching them interact with their animals, go on amazing internships, and have experiences most people only dream of. This place is a dream. One of the only places in the world where I can go to school at a zoo with lions, hyenas, and monkeys. My odds this year were about 1 in 4.
That being said...
I got in.
- ► 2010 (21)